11:11
by Zepherus
Summary: At least she could say she loved. Clexa


Hello all. This is a repost of a story I had already posted. A concerned reviewer let me know that songfics with lyrics were no longer allowed so, I revised it.

I really really recommend listening to the song 11:11 by In This Moment to get the feel for this piece.

Cheers.

It wasn't supposed to happen this way. They were supposed to meet in Polis and make up and rebuild all they had lost and maybe more.

The trip was an easy one, the trail from Camp Jaha to Polis was clear and safe, since the Mounin… since Clarke.

But it wasn't.

And even though it wasn't supposed to end up this way, it was.

It was a small group of reapers, no more than five of them. Somehow one either got its hands on a spear, or made one.

The details don't matter now.

It was the mere sight of them, the sheer surprise at the fact that they had managed to stay under the radar and survive through the winter and still have the energy to attack… that's the excuse they give for how they were able to even get close enough to Lexa.

For the spear to…

"LEXA!"

Clarke slid to a stop beside the too still body, her hands hovering uselessly over the Commanders chest and the spear proudly standing erect from it.

"Lexa you're gonna be okay, we're gonna get you through this, and then you gotta show me Polis because I'll be damned if you break that promise too and- "

A wheeze and wet cough broke her rambling, blood flying into the air only to paint the commanders face and drip down, a macabre vision of her war paint staining her skin.

"C-Clarke."

Never in her life had the commander stuttered, not once.

Yet here in the face of her death, even her stoic spirit that had seen so much had to falter.

Biting back a sob, Clarke grasped the hand trying to rise to her face and held it to her cheek, her tears tracing uninterrupted as she looked into eyes that, in an ironic and wretched turn, had never looked more alive.

Lexa tried to smile and looked into the eyes that have followed her since the first time she saw them.

"Death is not the end, hodness."

Then

It had taken some time to find Clarke, after she left Camp Jaha.

Lexa had sent out numerus scouts through the forest and surrounding areas, and it had taken weeks before they had found a sighting. The blonde was making her way north, unknowingly getting far too close to Azgeda territory.

In an effort to get her to change her path, Lexa herself went to confront her, and was immediately surprised when she walked into Clarke's camp.

She was expecting anger, hatred… punches thrown and death threats.

Not Clarke sitting by a fire with two rabbits roasting and depressed yet understanding eyes.

It turns out Clarke knew she was close to the Ice nation. An isolated cabin and its inhabitants had helped her out near the beginning of her trip and told her the way.

At first she didn't know why she was going that direction.

Was she going to ask for troops to wipe Lexa out? Give away her secrets? Or did she hope that she would suffer the fate of Costia and die, her head sent to the Commander to break her completely.

She didn't know.

But as the days turned into weeks, and as she was able to calm down and arrange her thoughts, she came to understand the impossible decision that Lexa had to make.

She had to choose between one person and the entirety of her people. One could save her and make her happy for the rest of her life, and one could possibly secure her way of living for decades to come.

Lexa didn't expect the Mountain Men to keep their side, they were too greedy.

But they could gain some much needed time to recollect and hope to defeat them later.

And she chose to sacrifice her love and her heart for the greater good.

Clarke understood that, but human beings are inherently selfish and, no matter how hard she tried to be understanding, she couldn't help but feel slighted.

All those little moments, breaking down her walls, getting closer, the kiss… it meant nothing now…right?

After a time, she noticed she was being followed and made up her plan.

She would get steadily closer to the hostile territory, force Lexa to come to her, they would talk and then… something.

Her plan worked perfectly.

They talked for hours, they came to a plateau in which they both understood there nothing else to do but heal together and let the past stay in the past. The memories, the lessons learned, the trials and errors could stay. But the emotions… they needed those in order to figure out what was between them.

They made their way back south, took their time in the traveling and decided to go back to Camp Jaha for both Clarke and Lexa to make amends with the sky people.

And they did, and it was wonderful.

Abby was the hardest to win over of course, next being Raven, then Bellamy. Jasper had…Jasper had left.

They found his body a couple days later in the Mountain next to Maya's grave.

It took a month of long talks and arguments… one fist fight between Raven and Lexa that ended with both of them in the infirmary.

But they had -finally- made peace.

And they were ready to head to Polis so Lexa could keep her promise.

Now

"Lexa…. Lexa no please." Clarke couldn't believe that after all the suffering and pain they had suffered, after all their hardships, there would never be a future. That it was all for nothing.

They… They couldn't fix everything and it would forever remain a great What If.

Lexa's breathing was getting shallower, her face contorting as she tried to bring breath into her ruined lung.

"I've always…. loved you."

It was in these final moments that Lexa allowed the façade of the commander to fall away and leave nothing but Lexa the woman.

"I've always loved you. And I always will. I will always be with you, ai hodness. Every day of every week of every year for the rest of your life and all those following it."

A hacking cough followed her fervored declaration, her body spent from trying to console the woman who held her heart.

Clarke could barely see through her tears, her forehead resting solidly on the clammy one below her.

She sucked in great lungfuls of air, trying to imprint the earthy and musky scent of the woman she loved.

"Lexa please, we can go back to Jaha, mom can fix you just please don't… don't go!"

She cupped the rapidly paling cheeks and looked into dimming eyes.

"You remember what you told me? You promised you would never leave again! Don't…don't break this one too!"

Lexa merely smiled and, using the last of her strength, leaned up to kiss her.

"I will always be with you, Clarke."

She closed her eyes and hummed, her chest gurgling from deep within.

"May we meet again."

Nothing was heard after that.

No labored breathing, no gurgling, no whispers.

Until a piercing scream echoed throughout the forest and a ripple went through the souls of all those in the Tree Clan.

The Heda was gone.

Sorry….(not sorry)

On another note, hope you enjoyed.


End file.
